INDIANS DON'T USE SADDLES....

A woman from New York was driving through a remotepart of Arizona when her car broke down.An American Indian on horseback came along andoffered her a ride to a nearby town.She climbed up behind him on the horse and they rode off.The ride was uneventful, except that every few minutes the Indian would let out a "Ye-e-e-e-h-a-a-a-a" so loud that itechoed from the surrounding hills.When they arrived in town, he let her off at the local service station, yelled one final "Ye-e-e-e-h-a-a-a-a!" and rodeoff."What did you do to get that Indian so excited?" asked the service-station attendant. "Nothing," the woman answered. "I merely sat behind him on the horse, put my arms around his waist, and held onto the saddle horn so I wouldn't fall off.""Lady," the attendant said, "Indians don't use saddles.


1. There are two sides to every divorce: Yours and Shithead's 2. The closest I ever got to a 4.0 in college was my blood alcohol content 3. I live in my own little world but it's OK, everyone knows me here. 4. I saw a rather large woman wearing a sweatshirt with 'Guess' on it. Isaid,"Thyroid problem?" 5. I don't do drugs 'cause I find I get the same effect just by standing up reallyfast. 6. A sign In a Chinese Pet Store: "Buy one dog, get one flea." 7. Money can't buy happiness but it sure makes misery easier to live with. 8. I got a sweater for Christmas. I really wanted a screamer or a moaner. 9. If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the "terminal"? 10. I don't approve of political jokes. I've seen too many of them get elected. 11. The most precious thing we have is life, yet it has absolutely no trade-in value. 12. If life deals you lemons, make lemonade; if it deals you tomatoes,make BloodyMary's. 13. I love being married. It's so great to find that one special person you wantto annoy for the rest of your life. 14. Shopping tip: You can get shoes for a buck at bowling alleys. 15. I am a nobody, nobody is perfect, and therefore I am perfect. 16. Everyday I beat my own previous record for number of consecutive days I'vestayed alive. 18. No one ever says "It's only a game!" when their team is winning. 19. How long a minute is, depends on what side of the bathroom door you're on. 20. Marriage changes passion...suddenly you're in bed with a relative. 21. Why is it that most nudists are people you don't want to see naked? 22. Snowmen fall from the sky unassembled.


A cowboy walked into a drug store in west Texas and asked to talk to a malepharmacist. The woman he was talking to said that she was the only pharmacist and asshe and her sister owned the store, there were no males employed there. She thenasked if she could help him. The cowpoke said that it was something that he would bemuch more comfortable discussing with a male pharmacist. The female pharmacistassured him that she was completely professional and whatever it was that he neededto discuss, he could be confident that she would treat him with the highest level ofprofessionalism. The cowboy then agreed and began by saying, 'This is tough for meto discuss, but I have a permanent erection. It causes me a lot of problems andsevere embarrassment, and I was wondering what you could give me for it.' Thepharmacist said, 'Just a minute, I'll talk to my sister.' When she returned, she said, We discussed it at length and the absolute best we can do is as follows: 1/3 ownership in the store, a company pickup truck, and $3,000 a month living expenses


The mayor of Phoenix was very worried about a plague of pigeons inPhoenix. He could not remove the pigeons from the city. All of Phoenix was full of pigeon poop, the people of Phoenix could notwalk on the sidewalks, or drive on the roads. It was costing afortune to keep the streets and sidewalks clean.One day a man came to City Hall and offered the Mayora proposition. "I can rid your beautiful city of its plague of pigeonswithout any cost to the city. But, you must promise not to ask me anyquestions. Or, you can pay me one million dollars to ask one question."The mayor considered the offer briefly and accepted the free proposition.The next day the man climbed to the top of City Hall, opened his coat, and released a blue pigeon. The blue pigeon circled inthe air and flew up into the bright blue Arizona sky.All the pigeons in Phoenix saw the blue pigeon and gathered up in the air behind the blue pigeon. The Phoenix pigeons followedthe blue pigeon as she flew southward out of the city.The next day the blue pigeon returned completely alone to the man atop City Hall.The Mayor was very impressed. He felt the man and the blue pigeon had performed a wonderful and miraculous feat to rid Phoenix of the plague of pigeons. Even though the man with the pigeon hadcharged nothing, the mayor presented him with a check for 1 milliondollars and told the man that, indeed, he did have a question to ask. Even though they had agreed to no fee and the man had rid the city of pigeons, he decided to pay the 1 million just to get to ask ONE question.The man accepted the money and told the mayor to ask his ONE question.Do you think the Mayor asked how the blue pigeon led all the pigeons away?Do you think the Mayor asked where all the pigeons went?Do you think he asked where the man got the blue pigeon?*Nooooooo!*The mayor asked:Do you have a blue Mexican?


An elderly man walks into a confessional. The following conversation ensues: Man: "I am 92 years old, have a wonderful wife of 70 years, many children,grandchildren, and great grandchildren. Yesterday , I Picked up two college girls, hitchhiking. We went to a motel, where I had sex witheach of them three times." Priest: "Are you sorry for your sins?" Man: "What sins?" Priest: "What kind of a Catholic are you?" Man: "I'm Jewish." Priest: "Why are you telling me all this?" Man: "I'm 92 years old ..... I'm telling everybody!"